Why can't you just be happy with the one you have?

This was the question my father posed to me yesterday, as I was discussing my upcoming RE appointment with my mom. A little background info- he recently lost his job, and he and my mother are in a lot of debt. I think that this is where most of this stems from. Anyways, I was lamenting the fact that our horrible insurance (thank you Anthem) has no infertility coverage, so, while I'm hoping the RE can charge as much as possible to insurance, our actual treatments will be out of pocket. Enter good ol' dad, with his two cents. "Why can't you just be happy with the one you have? Maybe you guys aren't meant to have another. Why would you want to risk going through another miscarriage? You guys should just adopt."

Gee, thanks Dad. This, coming from a man who spawned four children. I don't see them as having been "happy with the one they had," otherwise, I wouldn't be writing this right now! Maybe we aren't meant to have another- but I'm not going to go down on that one without a fight! Yes, IF is expensive, yes, I worry about how we're going to pay for things, especially if we eventually have to go the route of IVF. I don't think we will, but, with only having one tube, and not knowing the condition of that tube, it is a possibility. As far as another miscarriage- two haven't killed me, I somehow doubt 3 or 4 or 14 would. Obviously, I am terrified of losing another baby. But my fear of this is not nearly as great as my desire to have another baby. Not by a long shot. So, as to his final arguement, adoption. Why does everyone think adoption is free? Even if you go through foster care or state agencies, which don't cost as much, you have the potential to get a child who has special needs that will, in the long run, cost considerably more than IVF or other adoption routes. While I teach children with special needs, and love them, and would love my own child if they had special needs, I don't now how I would feel about a child that was not my flesh and blood. Maybe I'm selfish in that regard, I don't know. Part of me feels like a hypocrite and horrible person for thinking it, but the other part of me thinks, "Why not? Why can't I want another healthy, spunky, smart little kid who can give his older brother a run for his money?"

A friend today made the comment that she too, is tired of people telling her that she is wasting her money on IF treatments, and that she should be content with the one she has. I wonder how many women suffering from secondary IF get this exact same comment all the time. Honestly, we're no different from any other woman who has/ desires multiple children. The only difference is, we just need a little extra help to get there. So, if "one should be enough" for me, then one should be enough for EVERY woman- good luck trying to convince people of that!