Our little peanut!

It's about time for an update, and I have something great to add today! I had an ultrasound yesterday afternoon, and we got to see our little one again, finally looking like a baby rather than just a blip on the screen! When the ultrasound tech first put the probe on, the baby was still because he/she was sleeping. The tech wiggled the probe around a bit to wake her up, and we got some terrific shots! I only have one scanned as of right now, so I'll post it, but I'll probably add some of the others later!



Anyways, baby was measuring about 3 days ahead, which is fantastic (keep growing strong little one!!!). Everything looked good as far as we could tell! We asked the technician if she could check and see the gender and take a guess. She said that she'd been seeing a lot of little boy parts lately, but didn't see anything dangling on our little one! It's far to early to go out and buy pink, but I'm definitely excited at the prospect of having a little girl! We would SO be done with this babymaking nonsense if that is the case! Snip, snip, hubby!



Well, without further ado, here is our little one!

And, my "weekly" that is really not so weekly, seeing as how I haven't done it in 3 weeks update...
How far along: 13w 3days
Total weight gain: I'm starting to gain some weight back, finally. I was at 194 at my lightest, and the scale read 198 today, so 4 lbs so far?
How much does baby weigh: Not much, I'm sure- it's pretty tiny yet! The tech said he/she was 3 inches long though!
Maternity clothes: Have broken down and finally started wearing them- some of the pants that fit just right last week are definitely on the tight side this week!
Stretch marks: Oh, hell, I've had them since high school. I didn't need pregnancy to give me stretch marks!
Sleep: Still feel tired all the time, have been waking up a lot in the middle of the night, not to pee or anything, just randomly waking up. It's annoying!
Best moment this week: Getting to see our little one again!
Movement: None yet, though I feel my ute expanding, and sometimes feel flutteryness that I can't determine if it's just gas (probably) or actually movement. I know I'll probably feel it earlier this time, just b/c I know what I'm looking for!
Food cravings: No cravings, but I can FINALLY eat again! Meat doesn't make me want to hurl anymore!
Belly button in or out: Still an innie- never popped out with DS, so probably won't this time either!
What I miss: Alcoholic beverages... It's going to suck not being able to drink this summer!
What I'm looking forward to: Feeling the baby move- it will be so reassuring!
Milestone: Today is my first official day in the second trimester! I've made it past the biggest danger of miscarriage!

Happy Mother's Day!

What a difference a year makes! This has been a wonderful Mother's day, and while I received a wonderful gift from Aiden and Steve, and had a great breakfast with my family, and got to spend a little "me" time in the garden, those things aren't what made this day so great. What made this day fantastic is the knowledge that this year, rather than recovering from a D&C and the emotional pain of a miscarriage, I am instead carrying a baby that, God willing, is going to join our family in just 6 short months.

Last year was so difficult- I was not only mourning our most recent loss, but also the baby we had lost back in November. While I am eternally grateful for my sweet little man, and the blessing that God has given me to be able to be his mother, even today, I miss the two babies that God took with him to heaven. I don't think a Mother's day will ever pass that I won't think of Ethan and Hope. Hope would have been a year old in just a month... Ethan would have been 6 months.

One of my all time favorite character is Anne from Anne of Green Gables. In Anne's House of Dreams, she gives birth to a baby at dawn, but the baby doesn't make it, and passes away at dusk. While I have not lost a baby at full term, I can't imagine a more painful experince for a mother to have to go through. Yet, from that book, one quote stands out in my head that I keep dear to my heart- Anne, upon the birth of her second, healthy child, is told by a family member that "this baby will take place of the first". Anne replies that this baby is no replacement, but merely it's own person. She then goes on to say that she has followed her first baby through it's whole first year of life, watching her learn to sit up, and walk, and grow. I feel the same way about my babies- I will always have this vision of who they are to become in my mind, and I can watch them grow. When that day comes that I can see my babies in heaven, they won't be strangers to me, because I've been their mother, even though they're so far away.

So to all those mommies out there, whether your babies are in your arms, or just in your hearts, I wish the happiest of Mother's Day's to you.

I'm a bad blogger...

I haven't updated this since I got my positive pregnancy test! Now, in my defense, life has just been crazy and it's not been on my mind! But, I'll catch up on most of what has happened over the past month!

Beta's came back great- 167 at 13dpo, 485 at 15 dpo. Had an u/s at 6w1d, baby was measuring a day ahead. Had a second u/s at 8w1d, baby measured right on target and had a good strong heartbeat. My next appointment is this upcoming Friday, May 8th. I would like to say that since we've had two good u/s, I'm confident that all will be fine at that appointment. However, I'll be 11w, and 11w was when we got the bad news last pregnancy that we'd again lost the baby. I feel like this is a huge hurdle we have to get past- once I know that all is well after this appointment, I honestly feel like I'll be able to breathe again. Every day I get closer to this appointment, I feel my anxiety level rise- it's a good thing I don't have a whole lot that MUST be done at work this week, because I doubt I'll be able to concentrate on getting a whole lot accomplished.

Symptom wise, I've certainly FELT pregnant over the past few weeks. Morning (or rather, evening) sickness kicked in around 6w, and got really nasty at 8w, then let up last week, and now, at 10w, is back in full force. Blech. I'm dizzy quite a bit also, especially when I stand up to quickly or have been on my feet for too long- this was one of my biggest symptoms with Aiden, so it does make me feel a little more comfortable that things are going well. My biggest concern is that I bought a home doppler and haven't been able to find the baby's heartbeat yet- I have no trouble finding my own (I'm not sure if I'm picking up the placenta, or what, but I swear I have veins all over the place near my pelvis if that's not what it is!) I'm trying not to freak out, as I am a little bit of a chubby girl, and know that baby isn't very big yet (a prune this week, according to thebump.com!). I hope I can find it before my appointment on Friday- that will help to keep me from hyperventilating in the Dr's office. If they can't find the heartbeat at the Dr's, I will seriously freak out though- I will be demanding an u/s, and if they tell me they can't do it that day, I might very well go spastic!

Anyways, I'm going to make an honest effort to update this more often- one way I can do that is by posting a weekly "update" of sorts that I snagged from another blogger. I figure that I'll put in my belly pics in these updates too, once I have something other than my fat to show off. I didn't do belly pics with Aiden, and I kind of regret it! So I'll make sure to do it this time around, especially since who knows if I'll ever go through this again or not!

How far along: 10w 4days
Total weight gain: Not a pound- I'm down 15 lbs since the beginning of my cycle. I lost 10 with Aiden though, so I'm not worried.
How much does baby weigh: Not much, I'm sure- it's pretty tiny yet!
Maternity clothes: None- one benefit of losing weight is I was down a size, so all my bigger sized clothes are still perfectly comfortable (even if they fall off my butt!)
Stretch marks: Oh, hell, I've had them since high school. I didn't need pregnancy to give me stretch marks!
Sleep: In general I'm sleeping ok- have some crazy dreams though! Even though I get a lot of sleep, I still always feel tired!
Best moment this week: Uhhhh.... nothing really big this week. Next week is my next appointment- I'm nervous for it!
Movement: Nada, still too early!
Food cravings: Cereal, the sweetened, not good for you kind.
Belly button in or out: Still an innie- never popped out with DS, so probably won't this time either!
What I miss: Wine, being able to eat dinner without wanting to throw up after taking two bites.
What I'm looking forward to: Getting out of the first trimester, and getting to feel little flutters and kicks!
Milestone: This week will be a big one- 11w is when we found out we m/c'd last time, so it's my mental hurdle to get past this time!